Afternoon Avid Readers (all three of you lol) 😉
Most evil villains are middle-aged men who instead of getting a very gay (come on! red corvettes? not cool) convertibles get a secret lab complete with a creepy assistant with some naff name like Igor (?) or Ponsinbee (?!)
But sometimes you get those rare gems who were planning this as a little worm in their mom’s stomach and as soon as they popped out began to think of ingenious things to do with the surgical instruments in the doctor’s rooms…I salute you guys, you’re cool.
I wasn’t that amazing but I did think about complete control of the planet at quite a tender age, five to be precise . And my first plan involved a swimming pool and a satellite and was drawn on the back of a colouring book page (thank you Crayola for being there for me through thick and thin 😉 )
Last year I was obsessed with the idea that Soggy Cheese Rolls were the best method of torture and therefore I must create giant ones to terrorize all you ordinary people and slowly drive you crazy. This solves my lack of evil minions problem. Just imagine…Harri, Queen of Soggy Carbohydrates (doesn’t that sound catchy). But alas me and my not so creepy assistant, Kathryn realised that soggy cheese rolls are too darned clever and would probably turn on us and eat us.
Being awesome is sometimes really hard :). So we’re back to square one with the maps and the drawings and the contacting of the people who own lab rats ( clichéd much?) But I figured that i might as well share my experience with you and offer some advice:
What To/Not To Do When You Want Complete Control of The Universe:
1. Do not tell your mom
For some funny reason they don’t like hearing that their child is a potential pshychopath
2. Do tell your gran
Show her your drawings…she’ll give you one of those “when I was your age we used water pistols, not giant laser beams” speeches and tell you that the picture is lovely and you should stick it on her fridge.
3. Don’t use anything to do with Jello, Custard or Chocolate Pudding
Come on, the giant Jelly Man? I’m so scared! What you gonna do? Attack me with your fruit bits of doom? Destroy me with your powder sachets? Lame!
4.Do plan to do it after 2012
Element of surprise…they wait for the world to end and when it doesn’t BOOM! there you are with your robots and your spaceships etc.
5. Don’t do it in 2013
It’s my matric year, I’ll take it personally
6. Do reference this blog should anyone ever ask you where you got the ideas from
Help a fellow genius out 😉
7. Do not destroy McDonalds
They are there for a reason…that Hamburglar guy? he’s brilliant and you never know what old Ronald has in those shoes of his…
I like Orange M&M’s
Stayed Tuned For More