Birds, Bees and Everything In Between

Howdy Kids,

So we’ve all had it…whether it was from your mom or dad or your dodgy older brother and his friends…where-ever we have all had to deal with the excruciating embarrassment of it.

Yes little children I’m sure that you are now all cringing in your seats and clamping your hands tight over your ears trying to block out the sound but guess what…THIS IS A BLOG DUMMY IT DOESN’T HAVE A VOICE! 😀 so you are all stuck in my vortex of embarrassment until you find that little red x button…mwahahaha 🙂

Yes, to get to my point I’m talking about the talk…you know? THE TALK…every biology teacher’s dream (for some weird reason that is the most popular topic for every curriculum). Yes so today i will be writing about the moment that happens in everyone’s life at around the age of three (erm…ok I was an early developer) when you are told to sit down so that you don’t hit your head on the coffee table when your body suffers from fits of hysterics…it’s that funny 🙂

Well for some of you it happened like that…most of us had to figure out the hard way…

In grade 3 when I came back to school to hear everyone talking about “the thing people do in college” I wasn’t even aware that sex was a word and had been under the impression for 8 years that when you wanted a baby you had to wish real hard, push your belly button and TADA! There it was…oh to be young and innocent. Upon finding out that there was more to this baby business I asked around my friend group and here were the answers I got:

Friend 1: I think it’s when a boy and girl kiss a lot

Friend 2: I dunno…that thing you do in college (thanks a lot) :/

Friend 3: I thought you were gonna tell me

Friend 4: What’s that?

Mini moral: Eight year olds know squat.

Eventually after many gripping stories about hugging etc the issue came up at my poor father’s house. He obviously was used to my mom doing this because he had to grab the dictionary and read me the technical term (yeah, he’s cool). After which I looked at him all disgusted like and announced that I’ll be adopting all 27 of my children (I liked kids back then ok?)

So there you have it friends…my first ever sex talk, doesn’t that make you feel better? I’ve had it approximately 8 times since then I find it’s best to stare blankly out the nearest window and nod your head at random intervals.

My sister laughed hysterically and I know some guy who had to look at porn in order to find out so I’m glad i got the dictionary definition…

I hope this has really educated you as why I’m so screwed up, no one told me anything 😉

So come on…what happened to you? I want to know 🙂

much love 😉



Filed under Average Advice

4 responses to “Birds, Bees and Everything In Between

  1. Vandy Massey

    Your grandmother told me while she was frying eggs in the kitchen.

    I thought it sounded absolutely gross! 🙂

  2. eggs? lol you got it whilst frying eggs…lol that’s new 🙂 Ross stumbled across it in the dictionary (they really need to PG those things.

  3. Vandy Massey

    Of course! The dictionary should absolutely be PG. And every reference book. That’s where the scariest information is, after all.

  4. Taylor Evans

    Until the age of 6, I thought sex was a game that a boy and a girl played together without their clothes on… I wasn’t far off come to think of it… But when I was 6, my mom’s boyfriend’s teenage children and their friends thought it would be a great idea to tell me what it was in more detail… I was so grossed out and I REALLY didn’t want to believe them… So I did the only thing a 6 year old girl would do…. I asked my Daddy!

    ….Wow, I wasn’t a bright child!

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