Whatever happened to good old human courtesy? Did we lose it along our road to create a better world? Because I don’t see that world from where I’m sitting. In my little corner of the universe the world looks bleak. From my perspective, sitting on my little swivel chair, in my room, on Roscommon Road, it’s a pathetic shadow of the world I inhabited when I was younger and I didn’t care as much.
A phone call. That’s what I was waiting for. An apology that I could turn down or accept in my own time, the sound of the remorse that obviously can’t be expressed over Whatsapp or Facebook. I wanted the respect that I deserve, I wanted the conscious effort to be made in order to ensure that you did not lose me for a 4th time. I wanted courtesy.
Silly me…it was a stupid thing to wish for. You knew all ties were cut, you knew I was never going to accept your flimsy show of regret. I knew it too. I knew from the minute I saw your message that all communication would be abruptly cut off by me and my skepticism when it comes to everything you do.
I’m not anything but relieved though. I’m relieved I never have to see those meaningless apologies pop up on my screen ever again, but it made me wonder. What happened to the respect?
I have recently had my eyes opened up to the human condition. The once extremely willing girl who read too much into a high 5 and did internal somersaults at a simple “Hello” has been squashed by life in general. My eagerness to please has been abolished, my fear of conflict has been dealt with and all that’s left is a cynical shell of a younger me armed with a dial-up connection and a keyboard.
I wish I could live in a time when promises were regarded as being as important as human life, when lying was a criminal offense and being a gentleman was a given.
But I now know that that is never going to happen, that not believing a word anyone says is the best way to protect myself and that only I can change how I can react to people, not how people react to me.
So in my dusty corner of the universe, armed with my internet and key board and wishing things were different I’ve come to the realisation that I’m better off guarded and bitter than sweet and crushable.