What the barnacle is a YOLO?!

I’ve met a lot of people in my life, judging by my Facebook Profile at least 427. That’s 427 pairs of eyes and 427 mouths, not once at any point in my 17 years and 8 months of living, out of at least 427 people has someone sat me down, looked me in the face and said

“One day you’re going to have to do adult things, it’s going to be such an encumbrance that you’ll fall over backwards when the responsibility hits you, have a nice and burdened life.”

Now that’s not right, there should be a course on situations like this where you’re able to practice adult-like pastimes such as having intelligent, yet light-hearted conversations, kissing people on the cheek in greeting and grocery shopping.

I tried grocery shopping the other day, it is the most complicated and mundane act I have ever experienced. My local familiar supermarket suddenly turned into a labyrinth with dead ends and dangerous obstacles in the form of precarious pyramids of food and imbeciles who stop in the middle of an aisle to grab an item or consult a list. As soon as I had a trolley in gear and a list in my hand I was absolutely clueless. So much so, that I went back and forth along an aisle at least 4 times in an attempt to find a product I thought I knew so well. My first experience was filled with back-tracks, side-dodges and at one point, an awkward moment where I hid behind a box of Cereal, pretending to be engrossed in its ingredients in an attempt to avoid someone.

I don’t want to spend my life power-walking in circles, desperately clutching a rickety trolley whilst trying to find a cooked chicken; I want to find that chicken, pick up some milk on the way to check-out and carry on with my adventurous life. In fact, I don’t even want to go into a supermarket ever again, I want to be self-sustaining and live off the land so no wide idiots make me wait to scoot past them.

Supermarkets are that scary.

Whilst supporting myself from the bounty of the Earth I might bump into that awkward person I was trying to ignore back when I shopped at supermarkets. Life has never taught me what to do in that situation, not one out 427 people has shown me the proper conduct when greeting someone. My parents kiss on the cheek, I like hugging, this girl at my school just yells “HEY YOU!” across the quad, which is somehow deemed acceptable and there’s this new gesture which is, in my opinion, more bizarre than the hand shake, I call it: “The YOLO Hello”. This is performed by waving your fist in the air, uncoiling your thumb and your pinky to create the sign language word for “Y” and yelling “Howzat Budday!”

I think in situations like this, before the ominous “YOLO Hello” gets too popular, it’s time to focus on general mature behaviour for the next generation. I do not think anyone wants any of the future world leaders to spend their time watching “Jersey Shore” and grabbing their daily dose of literature and knowledge by reading 140 character tweets.

I think that’s the core root of the problem when it comes to not having intelligent conversation, the majority of people my age only follow gossip sites and reality television stars on Twitter, they read Facebook statuses and fluff pieces on the Kardashians instead of good, solid literature and they think that being a YouTube sensation is the best title to amount to in life.

A YOUTUBE SENSATION?! Please sweetie, put down the camera, go outside and build a house for someone in need, read a book that will challenge your mind and expand your vocabulary, analyse every microscopic granule of your environment in order to better understand the meaning of life, I don’t care…just don’t spend your youth talking to an inanimate object that won’t answer back.

I think my favourite story to tell regarding my peers who share adult-like responsibilities with me, is when I had a fully blown arguement with a group of people over the fact that I used the word “apathetic” in general conversation and hardly anyone knew what it meant.

I’m guessing “Pauly D” and “Snooki” don’t use such disgustingly verbose vocabulary.

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1 Comment

Filed under Sometimes I Rant

One response to “What the barnacle is a YOLO?!

  1. And don’t forget “exacerbate” 🙂

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