Girls Gone Wild: How to Protect Yourself Against A Beanie Yielding Thief.

20140513-120624.jpg

A lot can go through your mind when you wake up at 7am on a Monday morning (the meanest of all the mornings) to your roommate tapping on your boyfriend’s window with the news that your house had been broken into the previous night. I wish I’d handled it like an adult, like someone who is old enough for a grown up relationship with sleepovers, I wish I’d at least come across as an independent woman who’s used to living by herself with no parental supervision. Instead I had about 10 minutes of infantile panic.

Harriet

“nngggggghh”

“HARRIET”

“mmmmmmm”

“Harriet, wake up we’ve had a break in at the house”

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

Covers off, shoes on, keys grabbed, running.

I made it to the front door before I precede to spend 5 minutes fumbling with the keys trying to get the door to unlock. I only had 2 keys on the ring, one of them was bound to open the door. Why wasn’t the key turning??! I’m trapped in my boyfriend’s house and the keys don’t work!

Babe…just pull the door handle

My knight in checkered boxer shorts looked at me in my dishevelled, panicked, twitchy state with a mixture of pity and like I was a feral cat that needed to be contained. I didn’t care, I was free.

More running. Through the gate, across the road and onto my property. I would like to say that the only thought in my head was of the other girls who were stuck home and vulnerable during the incident but to be honest the only thought that resonated throughout my brain with each pounding step was “laptop, laptop, laptop“.

I’m a dick under pressure.

We got to the house to find that the burglar had cranked open the window, bent back the security bars (obviously The Hulk is behind this) and climbed through to my housemate’s room so he could steal her radio and, this is the most upsetting part, the Lady Antebellum cd inside it. He never got through to the rest of the house and managed to leave his smelly beanie as what I hope is a sincere form of an apology.

The guys across the road offered to lend us their dogs, guns, slingshots, drum sticks, army helmets etc for our ensured safety. We politely declined and settled for a mass 5-girl sleepover in the living room. All the doors locked and our tazers charged, we looked like a bunch of manicured bandits in fluffy slippers, onesies and messy buns.

It can’t be predicted when Hulk will come back for his beanie and Lady Antebellum album case, but we are prepared to whack that mother trucker with a couple of hot curling irons if he does.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Adventures

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s